A lesson in eco-nomics

Vegetarians be on notice.....this blog may upset your sensibilities.......



We made some tough decisions over the last month. The economic impact of having 52 beaks to feed is....well....too much. We buy organic feed at $25 per bag. When 2 bags last 9 days and less than half of the hens are laying and there are 4 roosters and blah blah blah. Tough decisions HAVE to be made. We hold up the economic ruler and face it.

Gotta cull the flock.

Now

With our best abattoir, Sam, on the other side we have delayed the inevitable in order to talk ourselves into harvesting the flock. We realized that it would take all day to harvest the flock and process the flock. There is the room in the freezer....there is none right now. (I gotta get busy cooking the frozen veggies and fruit from last year before this year's crops start coming on).
It's taken too many bags of feed for us to decide.

It is so final and we have been feeling rather stuck.

Thank heavens for our intrepid friend Arron. He can add "abattoir" to his resume. Actually he is a quantum physicist heading to UC Irvine for his post grad work. He'll find much more satisfaction in that work, however, this is just his kindness to us that allowed him to play the circle of life game today.

I certainly feel a lot lighter. It's less of a burden for me now that I am no longer thinking of how.

Which brings me to the meta-thought for the day. When do I allow myself to get stuck in the how and not proceed into the bliss of my life? Less often than in years past. Happy for that.

So off they go to the next step on the ladder of life. They had a grand life here with us, those chickens. Big yard for plenty of room to run. Yummy kitchen scraps. Bugs galore. The roosters got plenty of action, I'll tell you that! What is next on the ladder? Whale? Horse? Cat?

What do you think?

On the Road Again

Thursday was the perfect day to get back on the road. I stepped into the rented Camry and off I drove.

I like to drive through the San Felipe Canyon and drop down into the desert on Highway 78. The drive is serene and beautifully picturesque. Imagine being in the Southern California area and being the only one on the road for miles! That's what happens when I time it just right. The desert flowers are still in bloom. It wasn't unbearably hot. Yeay me!

Holtville, Calipatria and Yuma. Maybe you don't know these names. Chances are, though, you have been eating food from these farming areas. In the winter and spring a majority of the lettuce the you see grows in the Imperial County and Yuma areas. When you buy organic bagged lettuce, like a spring mix, you are contributing to my employment. Thank you for your support!

Now I get to write the reports.

Have a brilliant day being the amazing BEing that you are.

Smiles across the miles

Today is a new beginning for me.

I am driving to the desert for two inspections. It is familiar territory for me. I know how to do this work and I do it well. I got a fat raise this week...an acknowledgement from the company that they agree!

I have walked through my hesitation and doubt. I am ready to be alone and travel across the beautiful desertscape. The flowers are still in bloom. I've got podcasts lined up. Oh! I'd better book my hotel room!

Arrivaderci.

Revitalized

Refreshed, revitalized and renewed.

That is how I am describing my overall attitude. It's the upswing from a dreary week.

Nothing like a weekend in the desert to perk up one's attitude.

We stayed with friends in Rancho Mirage over the weekend. If it was their intention to treat us like royalty...they hit the mark. We were wined and dined, rested and relaxed. Something that is quite rare for Scott! His voice was even in a mellow place.

Of course, we always make time to talk about business. That is what happens when one is a business owner. It was the conversation about the present and the direction that we want to head that seemed to be the most invigorating. I won't say that I am excited. I am however, ready.

Ready to surge forward. There is much to do and our plans are forming.

Funny that today is gray and drizzl-y. It is not a reflection of my mood. It's so charming to have a wet day. It's May 17th for godssakes!!

We were planning to get a huge delivery of compost. Not sure about the safety of the truck on the driveway now!! HMMM...

Gratitude for all of the wonder that pulls on my imagination.

Peace and Blessings...

Snap out of it!

Better days are here...and ahead of me. Because...damn...it can only get better from here.

My life is blessed with kind and generous people. Last night was a beautiful experience of just that!

The San Diego Earth Works VIP (Very Important Planet) reception was held last night. It is the annual fund raiser for the non-profit organization that creates the Earth Day celebration in Balboa Park each year.

(Some years we have seen 70,000 people attend the Earth Fair!!)

Scott was the president of that board for 10 of the 17 years that he served on the BOT. We go waaaay back to the time when we had one toddler! We are happy to have been involved with them and to have seen the changes that have taken place in San Diego County due to SDEW's influence over the years.

The reception is a chance to visit with eco-minded folks. There is yummy food to enjoy. Great earth-friendly silent auction items to bid and ultimately not win. Awards for eco-minded projects. You get the idea.

The awards are an inspiration. The VA hospital in La Jolla has a co-generation plant that is producing so much energy for the campus you would be blown away. The city of San Diego's water use reduction program was a huge success and lowered carbon emissions by some fantastic amount daily. All of this bodes well...a mindful group of humans taking responsibility and making changes.

A new award was given last night. It is called the Stand for Sam award. It is an award to acknowledge someone who has made a difference in a way that would have inspired Sam. So we presented the first of these awards to ECOLIFE, founded by Bill Toone. This man does amazing work to co-create a harmonic experience between nature and people....check it out. He's on the web. www.ecolifefoundation.org/

Bill surprised us last night to say the his group will plant 30,000 trees in Michoacan, Mexico this year. Colour me inspired.

Breathing in the oxygen and feeling grand about all of this healing.

The award was hand made by a local artisan, of course!

What ideas are germinating in your mind?

Deer in the Headlights

I staring out the window this morning and see a plume of smoke. Some farmer dud is burning something that is making black smoke....what could it be? The water truck is sitting neaby to avert a potential disaster. Thankfully it is not breezy this morning.

The hot windy days are the perfect time for the guys at the base to blow shit up. It's like they sit around and wait for those perfect conditions to also create a fire.

When we talk about where we want to live next I dream of living where I won't hear men and women blowing shit up in preparation for war. I am just done with it. Every blast sounds like textbooks and teachers' salaries to me. Full bellies for little innocents born into families experiencing tough times....add your favorite item here_____________.

Ewww...cranky are we?

I attended a class about Hinduism last night. A teeny tiny thumbnail of something so rich and deep that I felt teased. Go further Laura. Investigate.

And yet...I really would rather go inside and investigate. What is making me tick now?

Now that I have to grow up without hugging Sam and staring into his beautiful eyes. Now that I have to find other ways to communicate with him and see him.

His presence and absence meld into one majestic symphony.

Missing him. Wearing his plaid shirt helps. As if it really could.

Sending love....receiving love...sending love

Music sets the tone

Starting slowly and in love today.

Music is set to a mellow station from the UK.

It's grand how music can be the guide for a calm morning.

Birds are singing and the breeze is blowing. Sun is shining just right. That pesky fly is finally headed outside.

Step slowly. Enough hurrying happens around me that I can be the calm place.

Gently raise my eyes to the Truth of my being. Release the inner pressure that there is somewhere else to be or something to rush to accomplish.

Be right here in the present. Feel my blood coursing through my veins. Breath in my lungs. Loving thoughts in my mind.

Ahhh! That's Good.

Blessings for this day.

This orbit has me spinning

Phew....glad it's Monday.

Odd....when I think of the cultural consciousness and its wisdom about Mondays. Suffice to say I am glad that Sunday is over with.

Mother's Day...a holiday where momma's inevitably get to wash dishes and change diapers!

Julia Ward Howe is the momma to thank for the modern mother's day "holiday". She wrote a proclamation in 1870 after being distraught at the carnage of the Civil War. Mothers sons' killing other mothers sons.

Hmmm.

Anyway....too much to say today and too sad to say it all.....

Sending love around the planet.

One more orbit around the sun completed. The end of it was a shocker....gotta keep spinning.

Oh! What a Night.

And so it begins.

Here is the new day of my life. It dawned with a little bit of a marine/cloud layer. It's how my brain felt this morning. I awoke with those lovely ducks on my mind and what absolutely must be accomplished for their housing this weekend. But beyond that, the cloudiness was a fog hiding something that is so magical and shimmering that all I can do is be curious about it. Step towards it and follow its lead!

No need to run an old tape in my head that it's scary. Pishaw....over the fear. Just loving the curiosity and the delight of what I am allowing to be created.

Last night was the first event to benefit Sam Murray's Future Farm Foundation. It was a benefit concert in a coffee house near our home. The music was divine. The crowd enthralled. The love was palpable. I spoke to the group about Sam' s passion and our desire to carry that forward. It was so very good.

Our host, Feeding the Soul Foundation, is supporting us with so much love and kindness as we create the program, the intention and breadth of what this can be. Their foundation is on the internet at

www.feedingthesoulfoundation.org. Service is their desire. What a great gift they are to me and my family.

The way that they speak about being available to serve is heading me in a direction of greater service. In recent weeks I have felt that I have been served so very much. I also know that I have been of service to many as well. My mind tries to quantify it. How silly.

Be in grace and let your love flow Laura. Wrap the world in your embrace Laura and you too are included.

Mother's Day began as an appeal for peace from mothers. It wasn't Hallmark!!

May you bless your birth mother with love this weekend.

May you bless our Earth Mother this weekend.

Time has come

I am sitting here with a knot in my stomach.

This is a communication that is long overdue. Since it is my birthday weekend...I am jumping in full on. Nothing to fix or change. Nothing to lose, because it has already been lost, long ago.

I am an adult. Although we are always our parents' children....I write as a clear minded adult.

Everything is in Divine Perfection. No doubt of that.

A new moon is upon us. As the last moon waxed and waned I birthed a new version of my life. During that moon I was sheltered, comforted, loved, prayed for, fed, honored and carried through by so very many loving souls. We don't always know how to react or how to be in a situation such as this. I experienced people pushing themselves into the tenderness of their sorrow and pain and finding ways to comfort and support us, along with themselves. I have experienced people stepping up and getting themselves here to be with us. Many miles have been traveled.

In all of this tenderness there has been a deep and clear absence. My father has had a difficult time articulating his pain and his support. It is endemic of a lifetime of not knowing how to show up for me. I realized a long time ago that I was better off creating a fantasy of who my father could be for me. The reality was just too painful. This fantasy has carried me along for decades.

So I sit with this dilemma in my life. One option is to turn my back and walk away. If I did that it would be counter intuitive to who I am. It would be exactly the way I see that he has handled all of the difficult situations in his life. Turning away. Maybe I already turned away years ago. I have been checking in. Wondering if there was interest beyond cursory conversations.

I have never told him how angry I am. Until yesterday. I finally had a genuine conversation where I allowed my anger to bubble to the surface. I was scared because I could have been on the other end of a shut door...yet again....42 years after the first door was shut.

Don't worry about being embarrassed Dad or what other people will think. What anyone thinks of you is none of your business. It's your business what you think of yourself.

The people who read my blog have never met you. You have made it very clear that you do not have room for me in your life and you have not very much interest in mine. Try as I have to keep you informed. Your world is limited and small. Mine is large and full of potential. Common ground has been rocky for some time.

I thank you. You showed me how I could be the very best possible parent for my three beloved children. You showed me how I could be loving and kind. How to be there fully and completely. How to pour myself into a life so full of love and tenderness and compassion that I am drenched in love. It's an exquisite beautiful place to live.

I am so grateful.

Love is all there is. It is all I have for you.

Sushi in styrofoam is counter-indicative

Given that sushi is such a precious commodity now, why would any restaurant owner put such beautifully prepared food into a styrofoam container?

What is the challis that holds my life....my thoughts....my dreams. What is the vessel (virtual, of course) that contains all of those ambitions and desires-and has room for more?

You wouldn't catch me putting them in styrofoam. Ewww.

I fancy myself more of a crystal kind of woman. Clean and hand hewn....well blown really....like a gentle breeze. Wood gets hewn. Glass gets blown.

I imagine this beautiful bowl. In the style of my favorite glass blower Boz. Wild colours flecked around the edges that shed a lovely light. Inside the bowl are pretty little packages beautifully wrapped in bright colours. Each package has something very precious inside of it. They are there to be unwrapped, enjoyed, experienced and then re-wrapped or re-fashioned. Lovingly tended to with a desire to become more of what I am here to become. There may also be some ideas in that challis that could be all wrong.

Given that I have this lovely place within my imagination...it can be shocking when someone wants to step in and muscle their way in where they are not yet welcome. I found myself in a situation yesterday feeling guarded and aware of the need to protect myself. It was an unusual place for me to be. The situation showed me how I had neatly tucked away some pretty big ideas about my life. I thought they had been all taken care of.

I live in the present and avoiding looking at these thing will only be a rotten thing to do. It just feels like the timing is suspect. I'd like to see my my life on a new track. Well, maybe this is a part of it. It just feels pretty raw and uncomfortable. Uggghhh!

Many people have been sharing the utmost kindness and support with me and my family as we all reel from the sudden passing of our beloved Sam. Love is a powerful healer and true friendship has no bounds. Allowing myself to receive this support is teaching me so much about gratitude and about worthiness.

I am a blessing. You are a blessing. This whole idea that it is bad form to say things like "I am terrific" or "I am really great at that" is a way to diminish the Divine Expression that you are. That I am.

I Am.

Divine expressing as me says you are a gift to humanity. Unwrap and reveal the goodies to us all. We are here to celebrate you. It's time.

No waiting at check-stand 1!

If you wonder why sushi is a precious commodity it's time for you to watch "The End of the Line", a documentary released about 2 years ago.

Courage

These last few days have been sunny from the beginning. That can translate as many things for many people. For me....I started my harvest early this morning to beat the heat. For my roomie it's a whole new paradigm. She moved from the PNW to the Desert Southwest. Adjustments can take bit of time and a brilliant imagination.

Ya folks....despite all of the green lawns that you see around you, this is an arid desert. The water is shipped from many miles away.....And the more heat we feel the more water we need on the growing beds. Everything is thirsty.

Growing....that's what I'm up to these days. Growing in my faith. Growing in my love for my beloved husband and children. For my brother. For all the people who are holding me in their prayers and sending their love to me..to us. I am moving forward because of this support. I am so blessed to be living in the embrace of the Beloved and the glorious expressions of the Beloved that are in my life...my friends and family. Gratitude for you all.......

There is so much to do and I am moving deliberately and slowly. There is nothing to rush. No thing becomes more important than the next. It all requires a new look, a new vision for what my life wants to become....

If you don't understand what I am saying....so be it. I understand.

Love. Pure and simple love is what I send across the space of cyber....

Blessings for your day...

Critters with beaks and snouts

Our morning routine is simple.

Step one: Don't sleep in!

Step two: Brew coffee

Step three: Feed everyone of those animals. Then feed the human animals! Starting with coffee...

We are blessed with way too many animals here on the farm. Three flocks of chickens for fresh eggs but some of the chickens are not laying and we just haven't gotten around to the reality of that. In March we received the box with 4 ducklings. They are the snail and weed control partners! The ducks sleep in the greenhouse and we have to walk them down into the garden each day. It is so delightful to see them and hear them. They have grown so very fast. Their wings will need to be clipped pretty soon so that they do not fly away.

We live in this dreamy foggy place right now. Decisions and choices looming on the horizon will be tended to as we can muster the attention to those things. Going slow is a new experience for all of us. We try to be tender with each other and stay away from stressful thoughts and experiences.

This life stressful enough.

I breathe. I try to find time alone and then see that my life is not giving me that.

I am headed out to an inspection this morning.

Under the category of "Some people do not know what to say when a person's son has passed" this man takes the cake! "Call me when you get our life together" "Did you get over it"? "Oh! I guess you don't get over it"....master of the social graces! This will be interesting.

Another gorgeous Santa Ana clear skies day awaits. Looking for love and good all around!

Find what you love. Love what you find.

To Be List

Today I am here to be.

Be present to my life and all the nuances that make it up.

To sneeze like crazy because the wind is blowing from the desert. I have this idea that that is where the sneezes come from! The beautiful desert.

My workspace is set up in my bedroom right now and I'm not rushing to get it moved. You see I have this magnificent view across the San Luis Rey River Valley all the way north to the Santa Rosa Plateau. Today, with the wind blowing, the view is clear and clean.

GORGEOUS!!

Gratitude. Is. Deep.

So I am settling in to get some work done and move ahead.

Standing on my little patch of God. Living in my paradise.

Where is yours today?

May I Be

Breathe. Beat. Blink. Step. Smell. Taste. Step.

Savor.

I am glad for May. Beltane. May Day. Worker's Day. It all folds into the new moments that are wanting to be born in my life.

Michael Frank's song "Coming To Life" was ringing in my head during the last few days of April.

"April is not the cruelest month, if I may disagree..." I will not dwell in the space of these lyrics for too long. I do want to say that it may appear that April had some cruelness to it. I felt myself wanting it all to be over. Maybe when April ended I'd get...........Blah blah blah.

Did you ever talk about your situation with only the words blah blah blah blah blah. Emphasis on the blah.

Bring me a new month Goddess...

My birthday month is May. Is that the driving force behind my love of this month?

Perhaps.

I receive each day's dawn as a blessing, so any day is good and any month is good...potentially. Especially with that attitude of gratitude

gra-attitude.

I am living in a whirlwind.

My life has been touched by deep sadness and profound love. It expresses simultaneously. It expresses in harmony. I am not trying to bury the sadness. It would be ridiculous to turn away from it. My sense right now is that I will be on the edge of sadness for every more. And yet that thought is counter intuitive to what is True in my life. In my philosophy.

My philosophy. Hmmm.

What is that? What is the philosophy that I call my OWN. What simmers inside of my spirit?

Love.

It is the constant force, spark, power. Love has cracked my heart open. It didn't have to do much to make that happen. I am already Love. I was already love before my life took this turn. So love is the journey towards that glorious destination. Where Sam is now. The "I am that I am becoming".

I am becoming more Love. I am becoming More Laura.

Beautifully being. Present. Aware. Attentive. Blessed.

May I be guided

May I be changed

May I be a blessing

May I .

I am all of that....As are you.

Happy May. Live it Well.

Blessed Be.